Show Must Go On
by clonchi
Summary: It's been years since McKinley high said goodbye to this Glee Club, and one girl still has something to say to a former band member.
1. Chapter 1

**1**

This was it. Opening night and she'd never felt more nervous. Her palms were sweaty and she couldn't stop looking at her watch, willing it to move faster. Her heart was racing as she tried to remember everything she had practiced since she found out about this show. "I can't do it", said the all too familiar voice in her head. "Of course you can! You HAVE to!", said the newest voice. Just as she had made up her mind to leave, the lights in the theater blinked twice and then started to grow dimmer. "Too late now!" she took a deep breath and forced herself to stay calm. And it worked. At least until the curtain opened, the music started to swell and a spotlight appeared center stage. She had to stifle a gasp as she saw the cause of her nervousness walk poised and decided until she was bathed in that spotlight. "She looks as beautiful as ever!" That was the last coherent thought that ran through her mind that night. And then the figure began to sing and sent Santana's head spinning in a thousand different directions.

After the show, her heart racing again and her hands sore from clapping so much, she wanted to run onstage and hug this figure, but she knew that wasn't possible. So she left the theater, lit up a cigarette and waited outside the stage door "Like a dumbstruck fan", just like she'd seen in countless movies. She knew there was a slim chance she'd see her, and an even slimmer chance that she'd build up the courage to talk to her. It infuriated Santana to feel shy and insecure after all this time. A few fans had gathered by the door with pictures and posters of the show, aching for an autograph of their favorite star. Each time the doors opened, they would scream and Santana's heart skipped a beat and then dropped when she saw it wasn't who she was waiting for. One hour and countless cigarettes later, she started to feel defeated. "This is ridiculous!" she sighed, stubbed her last cigarette and started to look for a cab outside the main theater doors. Just as she was getting into the cab, a small voice spoke behind her: "Santana?" She froze with one hand on the taxi's door. She heard footsteps getting closer and she willed her hand to let go and turn around. And there she was: fresh faced and in a plain black overcoat. Rachel Berry. Looking every bit the Broadway star she was.


	2. Chapter 2

**2**

"Oh my gosh! I thought that was you!" Rachel said as she flashed that beautiful smile and made a move to hug Santana. "Hi! Long time no see!" Santana lost herself in that hug and couldn't think of anything else to say. Luckily for her, Rachel had a million questions to ask. "I haven't seen you in like 3 years, I thought you were in LA. Are you just passing by, visiting?" Santana tried to keep her voice calm: "Um, yeah, I mean, I was working in LA for a law firm, but I just got transferred to their new branch in NYC. I saw you were headlining a show and thought I'd come see it. Congratulations by the way, you were really amazing!" "oh God, stop talking so much, San." she thought, took a deep breath and smiled. Rachel blushed and smile again. "Thank you, I – I think I can do better next show, I was just walking on a cloud the entire time!" "Well, it didn't look like it, so your secret's safe with me!" Their eyes met and Santana felt herself falling into those big brown eyes, losing herself in Rachel.

"Rachel, sweety!" someone called behind them, and made Rachel break the look. She turned around and yelled back "Be right there!". When she turned back to Santana she looked genuinely apologetic. "That's my dad. They're taking me out to celebrate my Broadway debut! I think they both were more excited for this than I was..." Santana's voice faltered, "Oh yeah, that sounds about right! Well it was great to see you. Maybe we can get together sometime now that I'm in town." Rachel's face lit up: "I'd like that! Here, this is my number. Call me anytime before 8, that's my curtain call!" "I will!" Santana gripped that piece of paper with all her might. Rachel half jumped to hug her goodbye. "See you soon, San!" and then she was gone.

Santana saw their car leave and just stood there holding a little piece of paper and feeling incredibly elated. That night she was laying in bed unable to sleep and texting her best friend who was living in Australia, so she was up anyway because it was 4pm there.

S: I seriously felt like I was fainting. It's crazy! I mean, it's been 8 years since high school and in all this time I've never felt this speechless and dumbfounded before.

B: You're not dumb.

Santana chuckled.

S: I know Britt, I didn't mean that. I meant shocked, like I couldn't move.

B: Oh, ok. You know better than to use big words with me! : ) I mean, it's enough that they speak another language down here!

S: No they don't.. I've told you, the accent is different that's all! And how's that going, btw? Still pretending you're deaf in public places? Lol : )

B: OMG! I only do that when I try to order food in a restaurant...

S: Ok Britt, whatever you say, I'll believe you!

B: Don't change the subject now, are you going to call Rachel tomorrow?

S: Isn't that a little soon? Shouldn't I wait a couple days to not seem desperate?

B: … sure, wait! But it doesn't mean you're not desperate, because you are : )

S: Nice... thanks a lot Britt!

B: You know you love me

S: Only sometimes, haha.

B: : ) Ok bb, go try to sleep ok? You're meaner than usual when you don't sleep much.

S: So you're cutting me off? See, this is why I broke up with you!

B: HAH! You wish! I broke up with you!

S: Whatever you say bb : )

B: I HATE WHEN YOU DO THAT!

S: Good night B! I loooove you!

B: ugh... good night San, you know I love you too : )

Santana felt even better than before. Talking to her best friend always made her smile and feel like she was still right next to her. They often wondered why it didn't work out between them, when they loved each other so much. And their conclusion was always the same: they knew each other too well, they were too alike and just worked best as best friends. The closest friends you could ever find. They had a deep connection that no one really understood. They'd tried dating in high school and their freshman year in college, it'd been beautiful, but they'd realized that their friendship was way more important than a romantic relationship. Santana cherished that time with Brittany because it made her come to terms with her own sexuality and feel at ease with herself, and that's what she loved most about Brittany. She made her feel loved and like she mattered. Two years ago, Brittany had gotten an offer to open her own dance studio in Sydney, Australia. Santana had been the first person she'd called and they had spent an entire night eating nachos, drinking margaritas and talking it over. When Britt had left, they weren't worried about their friendship because they knew they'd still talk all the time, Skype and text, and once a year, they each flew to where the other one was and they spent two weeks together.

And Brittany was always right when she gave Santana advice. She knew how special Rachel had become and maybe that was one of the reasons she suspected it never worked out between them, but that was something Britt had never said out loud because she didn't want to hurt her friend. Yet Santana's feelings for Rachel had been growing for the past 3 years or so.

After high school, they had managed to stay in touch, even though Santana went to college in LA and Rachel was in NYC. Every time they coincided back in Lima, visiting family and friends, they'd go out for coffee and talk for hours. Rachel knew about her relationship with Brittany and Santana knew how hard it had been for Rachel to leave Finn behind so many years ago. In all their long talks, Santana had started to feel something more for Rachel, somehow she was more excited to see Rachel than making grown men cry in the court room. And that always made her day! The truth was that Rachel Berry was firmly in her mind, and she liked it that way.


	3. Chapter 3

**3**

The next day at work, she couldn't concentrate on her meetings. She kept taking her phone out and staring at it, wishing it to call Rachel for her. When her 11:30 meeting got canceled, she took a deep breath and decided to text Rachel. She knew that her voice would falter if she called, and she'd hate that. After 10 minutes of typing and erasing, she finally hit send.

S: Hey! It's Santana. It was great to see you yesterday, I hope you had a great time with your dads. : ) Let me know when you're free and maybe we can go grab a coffee or something!

"Done... Now what if she never replies?" The thought had barely formed in her mind, when her phone beeped. She nearly dropped it from excitement. It was a short text:

R: I'm free now, got time for lunch? Even if it's vegan? : )

Vegan Food had never sounded so delicious before.

S: Sounds great! I'm done in half an hour, where do we meet?

R: Come to the theater if you can, there is a great restaurant three blocks down.

S: Awesome, I'll call you when I get there!

_Shit. Now what? _She had done it. She had made plans with Rachel, like countless times before but this time it felt different. This time she had a … damn, she had a purpose. Seeing her back home was effortless, and let's face it, kind of easy considering Lima was so small and only had a few places you could go to.

She checked the time, calculated how long it would take her to go to the theater and paced nervously up and down her office. It would take her 10 minutes to walk to the theater, so she had 20 long ass minutes to fret. She went to her small private bathroom and checked her reflection. Had she changed in the last three years? Because that had been the last time they had seen each other in Lima for Thanksgiving at Puck and Quinn's. She supposed it had… her hair was longer than she'd had it in the past, almost covering her breasts if she styled it just so (some nights alone she liked to recreate Alanis Morissette's "Thank U" video in front of the mirror just for fun). It was as dark and wavy as ever and even though she preferred to keep it in a typical Cheerios ponytail while in court, she loved letting her wild tangles down and combing her fingers through them. She was thinner, too. _No, not thinner, more toned. _She had discovered Krav Maga when she moved to New York and now she was hooked. She trained for two hours three days a week and on the weekends she discovered that she liked to run around Central Park at sundown. It was funny, in high school she had always hated doing laps in Cheerios practice, but running in New York felt different. She didn't do it because she _had to_ but because she enjoyed it. _Face it Lopez, you only started so you could talk about it to Rachel, you know she runs too. _Ok, fine, that was true, but she liked it nonetheless.

She brushed her teeth for a little longer than usual and touched up her make up. She checked her watch nervously: 20 minutes to go. _Shit. Now what? _

She thought about changing out of her suit into something more casual, but decided against it. A part of her wanted to see Rachel's reaction to her grey power suit. Her pencil skirt verged on slutty, just below the knee, but when she crossed her legs it hiked up her thigh and she enjoyed seeing her colleagues' reaction when she did it. She had a sleeveless lavender blouse on with just the hint of cleavage in sight.

Summers in New York were hot, but in LA they had been worse, so she didn't mind it that much. 17 minutes to go. _Oh, fuck it. I'll be early. _Waiting around had never really been her strong suit, but it was better to wait for Rachel in front of the theater than pacing around her office second-guessing her clothes, hair, make up, etc.

She grabbed her phone, cigarettes and wallet and set out (she didn't like to carry around a purse, it was too much hassle). She checked her reflection in the elevator on the way down from the 31st floor and put on her sunglasses. _Ok Lopez, let's go. _She said it out loud and walked out of the elevator with her chin up and her classic strut, looking more confident than she felt.

New York was as loud as ever. She took a deep breath and sensed the excitement mixed in with a hint of garbage in the air. She knew the way to the theater by heart because she walked that way every day on her way home even though it took her a good 20 minutes out of her route. She knew it was ridiculous, but she couldn't help herself. Just knowing that she was inside was enough of a thrill for her. Until last night, she hadn't had the courage to actually _see _the play because she wasn't sure her heart could take it.

When she had finally admitted to herself that she had feelings for Rachel, she had felt lost. How did it happen? According to Brittany, she'd had feelings for Rachel since high school. Santana had denied it adamantly, but in the end she grudgingly admitted that Brittany knew her better than she knew herself, so if she said it, it must've been true. And after a lot of self-searching, she knew it was true. When she started looking back, it all came into place. She had been horrible to Rachel because she had wanted Rachel to notice her, to think about her. Even taking Finn's V card had been all about Rachel. In a strange way, she had wanted to show Finn how to pleasure Rachel, so she knew she'd had something to do with it. Yeah, her teenage mind had worked in very twisted ways.

So for the 3 years she had focused on one thing only: proximity. She had worked incredibly hard to be transferred to New York and get her shit together so she had something to show for herself when she finally saw Rachel again. It wouldn't be like that last Thanksgiving when she had been just another intern at a law firm. Now she was an associate at Martin and Martin LLP, one of the most prestigious – and female-driven – law firms in California and now in New York. She had graduated with good grades and she was going places, she could feel it. Her career was all sorted out, so she needed to sort out this Rachel thing. She had to, or she would go insane.

She was so fucking early, it was pathetic. Had she run here? She had deliberately tried to walk slowly, but now here she was, 12 minutes early, standing outside _her _theater. She lit up a cigarette and leaned against the wall. She couldn't help smiling with pride looking at the marquee that read Rachel Berry in Funny Girl 'the great Fanny Brice reincarnated – Barbra Streisand' She had made it, just like she always dreamed. She still remembered the teary call she'd gotten at 11 pm early November of last year. The last time they had spoken. Santana had been sound asleep and answered thinking it was an emergency

"hullo?" said a groggy Santana into the phone while still resting on her pillow.

"OhGodSantana, she actually _came _and she _liked it!_" Santana chuckled, cleared her throat and replied to a giddy Rachel

"Ok, first, _wanky…_" Rachel had laughed, that exasperated laugh she had when Santana made a dirty comment and then through tears and laughs and squeals she had told her about her idol coming backstage after the show and congratulating her ("She brought me roses, white of course, they were from her _own garden_") and how they had talked and talked and Barbra said she was _proud of her._

"And it was just… I don't. I have no words, it was magical! I had to call everyone in Glee of course, and just share this with you guys, I'm sorry if it's weird." Santana was still half asleep but couldn't help but smile and without thinking she said

"Congratulations, bonita, I'm so happy for you!" That woke her up immediately. _Bonita? What. The. Fuck. Lopez. _

"Did… did you just call me beautiful?" _shit. _

"Um… yeah, no, it's just… an expression." _God, Lopez you're such an idiot! _

But Rachel had just chuckled and said, "Well, thank you San, it means a lot that you're happy for me!" There. Rachel had just saved her from a potentially deadly embarrassing conversation trying to explain that choice of words.

"Santana?"

She froze, feeling embarrassed at being caught reminiscing. She turned around slowly and saw Rachel standing by the door, one foot behind the other and her hands clutching a little pink purse. She had a plain blue dress on and a headband. _Fuck. She looks adorable. _Santana darted her eyes hoping Rachel hadn't actually heard her brain say that. She shook her head a little and smiled.

"Yeah, hi! I guess I got here a little early." She stubbed her cigarette and tried to steady her breath.

"Nope, you're right on time!" Rachel's smile lit up as she stepped up to Santana and gave her a hug. Then she linked her arm to Santana's and started walking. Santana was happy to follow and listen to Rachel go on and on about her day, giving her time to gather her thoughts.

"Ugh, it feels like I'm here all day putting out fires. Like today, my wig got wet so naturally it was a disaster and I had to call Stanley and tell him to get a new one and remind him that I _told _him this would happen eventually and I _needed _extra wigs just in case and if it didn't get here I was going to have to be forced to cut my hair and then I would be even _more _recognized when I left the theater and I don't things those bangs agree with my every day ensemble, I mean they're perfect on Fanny but _me, _I need a little bit more air, you know? So naturally he said he would take care of it, and I told him he _better_ because I wasn't about to – what?" she stopped mid-sentence looking a little annoyed because Santana was staring at her and grinning. Rachel stopped walking and very seriously turned to Santana:

"Is my crisis funny to you? Because I _assure _you it most certainly is not."

Santana put up a hand in surrender, shrugged and said, "Sorry, I just … I missed the whole Rachel drama. I haven't heard you talk so much without taking a breath in a long time." She smiled to take the edge off her comment.

"That's because I haven't seen you in 3 years" Rachel mumbled just loud enough for Santana to hear. It made her heart skip a beat.

"You counted?" she whispered.

"Well,", Rachel started to walk again, "it's not that hard to keep track of it, since the last time was Thanksgiving which is a holiday so it's really easy to remember such a date even though it's not really a set date like the 4th of July since it changes every year but if you look at the calendar from last year and count, -" Rachel continued to explain how she knew it had been 3 years, but Santana stopped listening and just turned to look at the little doll beside her, gesticulating wildly but still clutching Santana's arm. God, she was beautiful. And she was nervous, too. Maybe this wasn't so crazy after all?


	4. Chapter 4

**4**

"Ooooh we're here!" Rachel sing-songed and walked Santana over to a small Italian place called "Zarelle". It was thankfully cool inside and the smell of garlic bread wafted from the kitchen. A waiter greeted them and guided them to a small booth in the back corner, where they sat face to face.

"This is one of my favorite places. They have awesome vegan spaghetti and meatballs!"

"Yeah, I can't eat spaghetti today, I'll probably get some on my shirt and I have a meeting today I can't go to with spaghetti sauce all over me." They laughed and looked over the menu in comfortable silence. Rachel made some suggestions on dishes she thought were harder to spill and that she thought Santana would like. Santana gladly took her advice and they ordered a bunch of different things. After the waiter brought them complimentary garlic bread ("For Miss Berry") and wine, Rachel put both hands under her chin and looked at Santana seriously.

"So, tell me. What's been up with you, Santana? When did you get to New York?"

This is what Santana was waiting for: a chance to tell Rachel that she had done something with her life.

"Well, I'm an associate now at Martin and Martin, it's a big law firm from California that just opened a branch here in New York, they sent me here three months ago to work with Eileen Spadoni, THE best trial attorney in the firm, and such a hard ass by the way, and it's challenging, and grueling and I love it!" She couldn't help but smile and gush. And Rachel was beaming and had that sparkle in her eyes that showed that she meant it. She reached out to squeeze Santana's hand.

"Wow, San. I'm so so proud of you! To be honest, I'm not surprised. I knew you'd kick ass in anything you did. And for that, I'm not going to get offended that you've been here for a whole 3 months and just now are seeing me." Santana laced her fingers with Rachel's and squeezed back. She didn't have any words; she just smiled and tried to imprint her thanks in that hand squeeze. When Rachel let go, Santana cleared her throat and asked Rachel about the end of the wig story.

It was so easy to talk to Rachel. She made it so easy. Even after all this time. Santana couldn't help but smile when she looked at her and laugh at her drama and her "Broadway struggles" as she called them. They talked, drank, ate and laughed for hours, until Santana's phone buzzed and she saw it was her boss.

"Shit, sorry, I have to take this." She straightened her back and answered the phone. "Hi Eileen. No, I'm not in the office right now. Yes, they're in my desk, ask Jen. No, the Earlington hearing is on the 26th. Ok. Yes, I'll see you in a bit." She hung up and took a deep breath. Rachel looked a bit deflated.

"Guess you have to go, huh?" Santana didn't want to go. She wanted this to last as long as humanly possible, but it couldn't be.

"Sorry, yeah, we have to prepare for this case and my boss is freaking out." Rachel smiled and wiped her mouth with a delicate motion.

"No worries, as long as you walk me back first." Santana couldn't help but beam.

"Absolutely." She stood up and held her hand out for Rachel, who took it with a smile and then clung to her arm. Santana liked that Rachel held her arm with both hands, even though it was so hot out. "This was nice, San. Don't be a stranger again, ok?"

"I won't, I promise…"

"Good."

When they got to the theater, Rachel turned to face Santana and gave her a hug.

"See you soon!"

Santana breathed in her intoxicating perfume and exhaled with eyes closed. Then she whispered into Rachel's hair "Count on it, bonita." She froze and felt Rachel's body tense up.


	5. Chapter 5

**5**

She said it again. Rachel heard it loud enough and it brought with it a strange fluttery feeling she was all too familiar with. This is what happened to her the last time Santana said that to her. She remembered it vividly. It had topped her already magical night when she got to meet her idol. It was the night her brain and heart collided and stopped making sense to her. The next day she argued with herself that maybe it didn't happen, that in her happiness and drinks, and calling everyone, she had imagined it. After all, she hadn't heard back from Santana at all. Not until last night. Just before the curtain fell on their last encore, her eye caught a dark wild figure clad in a red dress exit. _Santana. _No, it couldn't be. She thought she was being silly, and put it out of her mind. So when she saw her outside the theater later on, her heart caught in her throat. She had to call out to her, _she had to. _And she did. And then she forgot her dads had scheduled a dinner date that night, so she just gave Santana her number, hoping against hope that she would call her soon. And she had. And now here they were, and Santana had called her beautiful again. _No, not beautiful. Bonita. It sounds so much sexier in Spanish… _last time she had called her on it, but this time, she felt Santana's body telling her that it had been unintentional. So what did it mean?

Rachel let go of Santana and smiled, pretending she hadn't heard. She could see it in her eyes that Santana didn't know what to say or how to act, and it was adorable. Rachel gave her a shy kiss on the cheek, said "bye, San" and walked into the theater. She didn't breathe until she was safe in her dressing room, where she collapsed in her comfy couch and put her head in her hands. She was shaking, but she couldn't stop. She didn't know why this was happening after all this time. And damn it, she looked… well, she looked as beautiful as ever but somehow _somehow _she looked better. More at ease.

But Rachel didn't need this now. Not now that… well, that things had changed.

Rachel Berry. Broadway star. She got to meet Barbra and Barbra actually thought she was _good. _Rachel Berry. High school loser, mocked by everyone because of her star power. Sometimes she didn't know which Rachel Barry she was. It felt really good to get applause and praise every night, but somehow she knew it would've felt better coming from all those people back in Lima who had made fun of her growing up. She knew she couldn't force people to like her or to apologize for how they had behaved towards her, but she also knew that from that horrifying experience she had gained actual friends. The head Cheerio was now her best friend against all odds, the glorified bad boy who was unsurprisingly married to the head Cheerio was also her good friend, and they seemed to genuinely like her. And here was Santana. She had made Rachel cry more times than she could count, but still Rachel craved for her approval, for her friendship, just to be in her life. And here she was after all these years, and she still made Rachel nervous. And also, and this just _delighted _Rachel, she seemed to make Santana nervous too. It was hard to figure out if Santana was just awkward because of their history and how much time had passed, or if there was something else there. Rachel didn't know but she also didn't stop to think it through because overthinking had gotten her in countless problems in the past.

So for now, she decided that she would just try to hold on to Santana and not let her slip out of her life again.

After another great show that night, Rachel found herself looking at her phone in her dressing room. There was one unread message that had come through during the second act, and she saw it was from Santana. Somehow she felt nervous to see what it said. Did Santana know that she had slipped during Who Are You Now? It seemed silly, but during curtain call she had found herself looking for that red-clad wild-haired figure in the crowd. She never saw it and it made her a little bit sad.

S: Hey, I know the show's not done and you probably won't read this til late, but just wanted to tell you that I'm still at work completely stressing over this hearing and I could use a distraction…

Rachel's smile just widened when she read the text over and over again. What did she mean by that? Did she want Rachel to call her? Stop by? What? Trying to play it safe, Rachel simply replied to her text. It took her a few minutes to get it right.

R: Hi! Just finished for the night, still working?

She thought it was simple, clean and open to interpretation. So instead of grabbing her coat and heading home, Rachel stayed in her seat and decided that she would remove her makeup and simply tidy her dressing room a bit, giving Santana a chance to respond.

After what seemed like forever (really it was only 1 minute) her phone buzzed and her smile widened again.

S: Ugh, yes… Eileen is such a nazi! I'm probably gonna be here all night and the freakin coffee machine is broken, so I'll be tired and cranky. The best combination for my mood… fml.

Rachel suddenly got up from her chair and got an idea. She texted back hurriedly while putting on her coat, grabbing some things from a nearby table and stepping out of her dressing room.

R: That sucks! I know that a cranky Santana Lopez is not to be crossed haha. But don't worry, things can change in the blink of an eye!

She was already halfway up the block when her phone buzzed again. This time she knew what was coming.

S: The hell?!

Rachel laughed to herself and decided to let that text go unanswered. She was almost there, anyway. Being extra careful not to drop all the things she was holding, she stepped into the imposing building and went straight to a security guard who was dozing off. "Hello there, good evening!" The guard quickly shook his head to wake up and looked at the strange woman in front of her. She looked sort of familiar. "Good evening miss, can I help you?" but she was already halfway to the elevator doors with a purpose in her walk. "No thank you kind sir, I know my way!" And with a little hand wave, she stepped into the elevator and it closed shut. The guard just yawned and repositioned himself to doze off again.

Rachel looked at her reflection in the mirror and tried to straighten her coat, but it was difficult with everything she was holding. When the elevator finally stopped and she stepped out, she didn't know where to go. Luckily, a voice helped guide her. "JESUS, YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME JEN!" She smiled and followed the frustrated voice. Just as she was arriving at the end of a long hallway, a flustered red-haired girl stepped out of an office and closed it carefully behind her. The girl took a few deep breaths and walked past Rachel without a second look. Rachel stopped outside the door the girl just closed and took a deep breath herself before knocking at the door.

"Jen, I swear if you've come back without that file I will—" but Santana never got to finish saying what she would do to Jen, because Rachel walked through the door to find Santana amidst a sea of papers on her desk, her shoes forgotten 3 feet away, her hair wild as ever and her blouse untucked. Even though she looked pissed and stressed, her face softened when she spotted Rachel there. Her eyes twinkled and a little smile appeared.

"Rachel? What are you—?"

"That's the second time you haven't finished a sentence Ms. Lopez" Rachel smirked as Santana's eyes went from surprise to amusement. But Rachel didn't let her answer, she simply walked over to a side counter to put down what she was holding and took off her coat as she explained, "Well, you texted saying you were having coffee withdrawals and you were gonna be stuck here all night, so I thought I'd give whoever was working here with you a break and bring you some coffee! Well, actually, I brought the coffee machine from my dressing room, some coffee and all the fixings I had. And based on poor Jen out there, I'm guessing I am right on time!" She finished with a smile and leaned back on the counter looking at Santana just standing behind her desk looking touched.

"Wow… When I texted you I was just ranting, I didn't expect you to actually show up and save the day" Santana laughed to take the edge off her voice and walked over to the coffee machine Rachel had brought in and inspecting it.

"I know, but I figured you could use it, and I was nearby, so it wasn't really much trouble." Santana was now right next to Rachel and a few strands of her hair were brushing against Rachel's bare shoulder making her shudder. She took a minuscule step sideways to stop that friction so she could concentrate on the conversation.

Santana just sighed and finally looked up from her inspection to lock eyes with Rachel. Even without her shoes on she was a good half a head taller than Rachel so she had to basically lower her gaze to her. "Thank you, really. This is really thoughtful." She smiled at the small brunette and touched her arm tenderly. Rachel felt her skin explode at the contact.

"So, um, you want me to fix you some coffee while you rant about your boss? But please don't call her a nazi again, that's really offensive…" Rachel busied herself finding a mug in the shelves and breaking eye contact because her knees were growing weak. She heard Santana scoff and walk back to her desk shuffling papers.

"Yeah sorry, I was pissed is all. Just black coffee please, cream no sugar." Santana sat on her chair and leaned back closing her eyes and pinching the bridge of her nose with her fingers as to fight back a migraine. Rachel tried not to look at her now exposed thighs and instead tried to focus on the coffee. "it's just that we have this hearing in two days and Eileen was in an accident this morning and broke her arm so she's in the hospital so basically it means I'm on my own since Jen over there keeps misplacing files!" Santana let out a frustrated sigh and took a deep breath to steady herself. "It's fine, I know I can get it done, I just always go to the yelling place. I have rage."

Rachel chuckled. "Yeah, I remember." She turned around to find a confused Santana looking at her. Rachel continued apologetically, "you said so before nationals our senior year, when we weren't getting the songs down."

"Wow, can't believe you remember that." Santana answered softly.

"Well," Rachel continued while concentrating on stirring the mug in front of her instead of the black eyes now piercing into the back of her head. "just like me, you always had a flare for the dramatic Santana, and I appreciate that. So your little outbursts never went unnoticed by me. I remember a great deal you know?" Rachel chuckled again and finally turned around with the steaming mug and placed it in front of a speechless Santana. It seemed like something had shifted in their conversation and Santana looked embarrassed.

"Rachel, I was stupid in high school and I did and said a lot of things I shouldn't have and I didn't mean to a lot of people, especially –" Rachel put a hand on Santana's shoulder and made a hushing noise.

"That's not what I meant, at all, Santana. You don't have to say anything."

"No, but I do. I feel like I owe you an apology." Santana stood up to face Rachel, dark eyes meeting hazel eyes full of unspoken grief. "You didn't deserve what I did. I was confused and angry all the time because I was angry at myself and you were everything I feared about myself so I lashed out. There really is no excuse, but just know that I am truly sorry for causing you any pain."

Rachel felt her eyes fill with tears. She never expected or wanted an apology for Santana. For her, just the fact that Santana wanted to keep in touch after school was an apology in itself. But she somehow felt Santana needed this more than she did. A few tears streamed down her face and she saw Santana make an attempt to wipe her tears but hold back so she wiped her own tears instead. Unable to say anything, she just said softly "I'm going to hug you know, ok?" she saw Santana nod and grin a bit before she lunged forward and threw her arms around Santana's neck, standing on her tiptoes to fully hug her. Santana returned the hug by putting her arms around the small brunette's waist and resting her forehead on her shoulder.

Rachel breathed in her scent, breathing in coconut and a hint of lime from her hair and as she pushed back from the hug her eyes locked with Santana's just a few inches away. She felt electricity cross their gaze and she felt herself pulling forward to see what would happen if she touched those luscious lips with hers. Just then the door slammed open and a shocked red-haired girl stood there frozen with an armful of files.

Both girls turned, relieved and frustrated with the interruption, but it was Santana who broke their hold first, muttering "Jeez, knock much?"


	6. Chapter 6

**6**

"I'm sorry, I, um, I didn't know you had company…" Jen was stammering and trying to readjust the files and not look so damn uncomfortable. Santana sighed, feeling her headache worsen, then backed away from Rachel and grabbed her coffee with both hands to stop them from shaking. "Jen, this is Rachel, a friend of mine who just swooped in to save your ass tonight and get me coffee." Rachel scoffed and nudged Santana in the ribs before going up to Jen with her hands extended to help with the files she was holding. She looked flustered and her voice was a tiny bit shaky. "She's just kidding, hi, nice to meet you! Let me help you put those down." Jen just let this tiny brunette force take the files from her and place them neatly on the desk. Then she gasped and put a hand in front of her mouth in awe "Yes! You're Rachel Berry, right? My sister loves you… she's been to your show at least 3 times and forced me to go with her last time, you were really good!" Rachel smiled proudly. "Why, thank you. Tell your sister thank you for me, too!"

Santana was back in her chair, watching their little exchange with an amused look on her face. She observed how Rachel beamed with pride when someone recognized her. It wasn't a smug look, or an ego thing, it was just unadulterated pride in sharing her talent and having it be validated. It made her radiate and it made Santana unable to look away. When she sensed a lull in their conversation and Jen shooting furtive glances at her, she cleared her throat and peeled her eyes away from Rachel and locked them on the files Jen brought in. "So, is this it, Jen?"

Jen stepped forward and placed her hands behind her back. "Yes, it's all I could find on the Mackey hearing, the ones with a blue tag are from Ms. Spadoni's office, the green ones are from his former lawyer and the red ones are from the prosecution." Santana's demeanor shifted back to professional, back straight, brow furrowed and short sentences.

"Good, I'll look this over and let you know if I need anything else." And with that, she dismissed Jen by thoroughly ignoring her. She heard Rachel cough and looked up to see Rachel looking pointedly at her and raising her eyebrows before looking sideways at Jen who was just turning to leave. Santana sighed because she knew what Rachel was trying to tell her and dammit, she was going to do this for her… "Um, Jen?"

Jen turned around tentatively, scared she had done something wrong. "Yes Ms. Lopez?"

Santana managed a grin. "Thanks for the hard work, sorry I yelled before."

Jen looked seriously taken aback by this admission from her boss that she had been, well, a bitch. "No problem Ms. Lopez, I understand." And with a smile, she left the office giving Rachel an enthusiastic wave on the way out.

"See? That wasn't so hard now, was it?" Rachel was teasing her, and she knew it.

All she got as a response was a _humph _from Santana, which made Rachel giggle and Santana's heart flutter at that sound. _How did she manage that? When have I EVER apologized for being a bitch? Jesus, and she did that with just a look. Careful, Lopez, this girl will make you be nicer without you knowing. _Santana had to smile at the thought, which didn't go unnoticed by Rachel.

"What are you smiling about?"

Santana looked up startled and a little embarrassed that Rachel, again, had interrupted her when she was thinking about Rachel. "Um, nothing, just that your coffee might be magically making me nicer." Santana held up her mug and smiled.

"You're nice when you want to be Santana, you know you are…"

_How can she know me so well when we really haven't been that close? _

"Well, don't go saying that to anyone or I might lose my edge." They laughed and then they fell into a comfortable silence, Rachel leaning on the counter next to the coffee machine now thankfully full and Santana leaning over some files on her desk. After a few moments, Rachel stood up straight and grabbed her coat.

"Now that I have you fully caffeinated, I'll let you go back to your work."

"Wait, Rachel, don't go…" She said it before she could think of a reason why. _Why? She's right, I need to work. But dammit, I don't want her to leave…_

"It's fine San, I can't really help you anymore, right? And I want you to finish this up early and get to bed so that you can tell me how it all went tomorrow, ok?" Rachel walked over to Santana and grabbed her hand, then looked her in the eye, her expression suddenly growing somber. "And I meant what I said before; you never needed to apologize to me. We're ok now."

Santana was speechless; having Rachel so close and looking straight through her was completely disarming. Rachel was ever so slowly caressing her hand, almost like she didn't notice she was doing it. But Santana was very aware of the slight change in pressure in her hand and how her perpetually warm hands felt even warmer when Rachel held them. All she could do was nod and smile at Rachel, trying to convey everything in a look. Rachel seemed to understand, because she smiled back, gave her hands a final squeeze and turned to leave. Just before she walked out the door she called back: "Make sure you say good night to Jen before you leave! She looks as stressed as you…" Santana just smiled and shook her head, "Fine, Berry, you win, I will!" Rachel let out a small squeal and was out the door.

When Santana heard the _ping _from the elevator, she finally let out a long breath and tried to stop her heart from beating so damn hard. "Fuck…" that was all she could muster after the tornado that was Rachel Berry had swooped past her office taking with her all of Santana's air.

Of course Rachel Berry would bring her a coffee maker instead of just a regular cup of coffee. This was the same girl who always overanalyzed everything and had a plan A, B and all the way through Z for any situation. To be truly honest, Santana had just texted Rachel because even in the middle of her work crisis, she couldn't stop thinking about their lunch. How _easy_ it had been, how they had laughed. And even though she had thought about some, Santana had bitten back every snarky retort because she didn't want to make Rachel feel bad. And that was completely new to her. She never monitored her thoughts and just blurted out whatever sarcastic thought popped into her mind because it's what she was thinking. But Rachel, Rachel made her think twice about saying the wrong thing. Especially now, after so much had happened. Or really, so little.

She sat there drinking her coffee, trying to sort out her ideas and finding a way to focus back into work, but failing miserably. The damn coffee maker had gold stars all over it, and she thought that was just the fucking cutest thing ever. Santana Lopez was finding gold stars cute. Who knew?

After an ill-advised ten minute break, she shook her head to try and block Rachel Berry out of it, and tried to focus on getting her work done and heading home as soon as possible.

Her phone buzzing was cutting through her dream, but she willed it to shut up so she could just sleep for ten more goddamn minutes! After a while, the phone wouldn't shut up, so she yanked it from her night table and looked at the screen. _Eileen calling. _Fuck, it was work and it was already 8:30 am and she was supposed to be at the office in thirty minutes! She sat upright and cleared her throat before answering.

S: Hi, Eileen, how's the arm?

E: Terrible, painful, but they're letting me go home today so I'll be at the office around 10. Did you finish the Mackey deposition?

S: Yeah, finished it last night, it's on my desk and I left a note for Jen to copy it for you first thing today.

E: Excellent. Great work, see you in a few.

Santana sighed. It was unusual for Eileen to compliment her, but it always felt nice, especially when she had worked her ass off to do a two person job alone. She hopped in the shower and got dressed as fast as she could. She was running a bit late, but so what? She hadn't left the office until 4 last night (morning?) so she dared anyone to complain that she was 10 minutes late.

After a dull morning helping Eileen catch up on all she had missed the day before, Santana finally had a moment to rest around 1, her stomach grumbling because she hadn't had time to have breakfast, only a couple of cups of coffee from the gold starred coffee maker that made her smile every time she looked at it. She fished her phone from her pocket and just stared at it for a moment. Her screensaver was a picture of Brittany, Quinn and her last time they had seen each other, two years ago in Australia. Brittany was cradling a baby koala, Quinn was feeding it cautiously and Santana was rolling her eyes at her friends. She thought it embodied their friendship perfectly. She suddenly got an urge to tell her best friend everything that had happened in the last few days. She did the math quickly in her head. It would be 7 AM in Sidney, and she knew Brittany liked to sleep in. _Oh what the hell._

S: Hey Britt, you up? Txt me back when you get the chance! x

Without thinking, she wrote another text.

S: Hi Rach, free for lunch? I'm starving…

After she hit send, she threw her head back and closed her eyes. _Fuck. This is feeling stalkery. _I mean, she had _just _seen Rachel less than oh god, 12 hours ago, and here she was trying to see her again. Was that weird? She thought it was, but she realized she didn't care. She owed Rachel at least a lunch as a thank you for saving her life the night before. Her phone buzzed and she almost dropped it in response.

R: Nice to hear you're alive and didn't kill anyone last night! I can be in your office in 10 min, is that ok?

S: Yeah, let me know so I can meet you downstairs.

Now she had only 10 minutes to mentally prepare to see Rachel again. It was stupid, really, how her mind behaved when she was with Rachel. She felt like that time in senior year when she smoked pot with Puck in the back alley behind Breadstix. Her mind got fogged up, like everything was in slow motion, and even though she commanded her body to move a certain way, it wouldn't. Things that had been ordinary before, now demanded more attention and she saw something interesting in everything around her. And her throat got extremely dry. That is exactly how Rachel made her feel whenever she saw her, or they accidentally touched or even if she smiled at her. _Damn. Just fucking great, Rachel Berry is like drugs to me. Sounds healthy, Lopez. _That physical reaction was disconcerting but there was nothing she could do about it right now. Maybe drink water? Jeez, that was so stupid she started laughing and splashed some cold water in her face to help her focus.

Ten minutes later, she was heading down the elevator nervously tugging on her cream shirt and checking the hem of her pencil skirt. She knew she looked good, but something about seeing Rachel always made her second-guess her outfit. Standing in the lobby talking to the security guard, she saw her tiny Jewish friend clad in a striped black and green flowy dress. She forced her face to hide that stupid grin that was almost permanent on her face these days and walked purposely towards Rachel.

**Thanks for reading! I always love to hear what you guys think of the story so far :) I promise to update weekly, since I'm pretty far ahead with the story... Stay with me, this is a long ride! xo**


	7. Chapter 7

**7**

"Hope you're not hogging my friend, Frank." She smiled at the security guard and then at Rachel, who beamed when she heard her voice.

"Not at all Ms. Lopez! I was just telling Ms. Berry here that musicals are all my momma talks about and that I was saving up to take her to see Funny Girl for her birthday." Frank flashed his white smile that went so well with his dimples and green eyes. He was the only security guard Santana got along with, because he was the only one that she hadn't caught looking at her ass when she was walking by. He had scored major nice points with that.

"And I told Frank to let me know when they're coming so they can come backstage and say hello." Frank just looked stunned and filled with gratitude.

"WOW Ms. Berry, that would be awesome! Thanks so much!" Rachel shook hands with Frank, holding his big strong hand with both of hers and said sincerely, "No problem at all, Frank. Moms deserve all the love in the world!"

And with that, the two girls walked out of the building and stepped out to the sweltering streets of New York.

"He seems really nice…"

"He is! He's the only one that doesn't stare at my ass when I walk by, so he's all right by me!" Rachel laughed and clutched Santana's arm as they walked. Was this going to be her _thing _now? Santana actually liked it…

"Well then he's all right by me, too! So, where are we going?" Rachel seemed to be happy to follow Santana today, which was odd, considering how much of a control freak she was.

"How do you feel about food trucks?" Santana asked with a wicked smile, knowing full well that Rachel didn't particularly like to eat with her hands.

Just as she had expected, Rachel stammered a little.

"Well… depends on what food they have, where it's located and given the weather if it's shaded or not, also if there are many people around and if it's going to be difficult to eat because I'm not particularly good— " Santana couldn't hear anymore. She started to laugh, not to mock her friend, but because she thought Rachel rants were so damn cute these days…

"Relax Rach, I know, you'll like it, I promise." She patted Rachel's hand and led her to a gated park. Rachel didn't know what to say. She had never heard Santana call her "Rach" before. It was nice.

Through the park, they walked out to a small one way street where there was a colorful truck parked in the middle of the block. It was green and red, with small wooden tables scattered around it sitting comfortably in the shade of the buildings around it. It was like a small oasis of calm in the middle of the busy rhythm of Manhattan. There were a dozen people chatting and eating contently.

"Welcome to _Sabores_! It's Peruvian street food, they have all sorts of things, don't worry, I checked, there are some vegan options too!" Santana was talking excitedly about the different things they could get here and not to worry, not _everything _was spicy, but Rachel was only half-listening. This place was _so _Santana it was ridiculous. It seemed so secluded, like it wanted to be out of the way, but still inviting. It was rustic but also had a sort of elegance about it. It was perfect, "just like you". Santana stopped talking and looked confused at Rachel. She had been talking about desserts, so she didn't understand Rachel's comment. Rachel was blushing furiously and only managed to look down.

"What's just like me?" Santana was genuinely confused.

"Nothing, I was just… thinking out loud, never mind." And with that, Rachel jumped forwards towards the truck and seemed incredibly interested in the menu board propped up next to the register. Santana shook her head, and followed Rachel. She had noticed that Rachel was thinking about something else while she was talking, but she never imagined that she had been thinking about _her. _Santana would've given anything to have read her mind and see what the little brunette girl thought of her.

They ordered an array of food to share because they couldn't decide on just one thing and Santana was utterly unhelpful by exclaiming "oooh yes, that's good" or "that's delicious, you should get that" after every suggestion Rachel made. They waited a few minutes for their plates and finally, with hands full, walked over to a small table and sat down, arranging the food in front of them.

Rachel started eating some fried plantain while Santana munched on an _empanada_.

"So tell me, how did you find this place?" Santana swallowed before answering, knowing full well that Rachel would be appalled if she talked with food in her mouth.

"I found it my first week in the city, I got lost going home after work and just stumbled upon this and fell in love with it! It's been sort of my hideout, no one I know knows about this place, I think." Rachel stopped eating and looked at Santana intently.

"You mean you've never brought anyone here before?" Santana heard the meaning laced in that question and it made her nervous. _Fuck, what now?_

"Um, no, not really… I just, I haven't really had time to make friends here yet and everyone at the office only talks about law, it's exhausting." She smiled at Rachel and continued to eat while looking at something in the distance, hoping her feeble answer was enough for now.

Rachel didn't look convinced, but she was having so much fun seeing this fun carefree Santana that she didn't want to spoil it.

Just then, Santana's phone buzzed and she looked at it and smiled.

"Sorry, it's Brittany."

She swiped the screen with one hand and read the message.

B: thanks for waking me up… blurgh, I have to do inventory at the studio today. Sucks! I'll call you after, ok?

She didn't see Rachel's face cloud over when she said Brittany. But Rachel definitely saw Santana's face light up at the text. Rachel tried to keep her tone casual as Santana put her phone back in her pocket and turned to her again.

"Everything ok?" She asked while looking everywhere except at the irritatingly beautiful wild figure in front of her.

"Yeah, Britt's fine, heading to work." Santana looked at Rachel and noticed the change in demeanor. "Are _you _ok, Rachel?"

"Hm?"

"… Rachel… what happened?"

Rachel sighed and was unable to stop the questions barraging from her mouth.

"Does she text you just to check in every day? Are you two still a thing?"

_The hell?! Is she… is she JEALOUS?_

Santana frowned as Rachel was biting her lower lip in an exasperated sort of way. This was both pissing her off and making her ego inflate a million times over.

"We talk almost every day, she's my best friend. But we haven't been a couple since freshman year of college." She didn't know why she was explaining herself to Rachel. She could've just as easily said that it was none of her business or made some snarky comment. But no, she had been apologetic. This had gone too far, she couldn't stop being herself just because Rachel made her fucking nervous. So she continued before Rachel could say anything else. "And look, even if we were together, why would that be wrong? We're both adults." Rachel looked hurt at Santana and her eyes started clouding over. Santana could _feel _her defenses breaking. Fuck. She had hurt her and now she was going to cry and Santana couldn't bear it.

"You're right, Santana. It wouldn't be wrong, I was just asking because I was curious, that's all. Sorry if it came out wrong." Rachel had an unusual flat tone and swallowed hard, her food untouched before her.

Santana didn't know what to say or how to react, and suddenly, her phone buzzed again. "Ugh, for FUCK'S SAKE BRITTANY I WILL KILL YOU!" She fished it out and answered it without seeing who it was. "WHAT?!" It was a little harsher that she intended to, and given the startled tone of the person on the other line, it was very unexpected.

"Mija?" _shit. _

"Oh, hi ma, sorry, I didn't check to see who it was." Rachel relaxed her shoulders a bit and enjoyed the distraction to compose herself. Santana slumped a little and looked down, determined not to look at Rachel. "What's up, ma?"

"Oh honey…" her mom sounded upset, immediately Santana sat up straight and felt her body tense. Rachel, seeing her reaction, tensed up as well, wondering what was going on. "it's abuela, mija. She's in the hospital right now, she missed a step in the stairs and she fell and hit her head. She sprained her ankle, but the doctor patched it up. She's conscious, there seems to be no brain damage, but she has to stay in the hospital for observation for a few days." Santana had reached over to grab Rachel's shoulder to steady herself as her mother talked, she was unable to formulate a thought, let alone speak.

"I'm coming over", was all she could muster.

"No, mija, it's not necessary, really. What about your work?"

"Fuck work."

"SANTANA."

"Sorry ma, I mean, they'll understand. It's Thursday and I can take a long weekend, god knows they owe me like a bajillion days off."

"Well, if you can make sure you won't get in trouble at work, I'll be very glad you could come."

"Absolutely ma, I'll call you in a few."

Santana stared at her phone with a blank expression on her face. Her brain was going in a million different directions and she didn't know what to do first. Rachel put a tentative hand on her knee and whispered softly, "Santana? What happened?"

Santana whipped her head to look as Rachel, as though she had forgotten she was there.

"It's my abuela. She hit her head and now she's in the hospital. I have to… I have to go see her." Santana stood up suddenly, dropping half the food and her phone on the floor. When she bent over to pick it up, she felt her body shake and tears starting to stream down her face. Rachel stood up, grabbed the phone off the floor and put both hands on Santana's shoulder to steady her and embrace her, their previous little argument well forgotten.

"She's gonna be ok, just take a deep breath and call your office. Then we'll book you a ticket, go back to your place to pack a small bag and I'll take you to the airport ok?" Rachel was slowly moving her hands up and down Santana's back to calm her down.

Santana just slumped into Rachel and nodded, unable to make a sound, again. Rachel was making hushing noises and stroking her back in soothing motions. Santana forced herself to take a deep breath and took her phone and dialed her boss' number.

"Eileen? Hi, um, I need to take the rest of the day off and tomorrow. I need to fly back home, there's an emergency, my grandmother is in the hospital and I need to be with her now." She said it all in one breath because she couldn't quite process the information just yet. She just hoped Eileen wouldn't make her repeat it all over again. After a few seconds of silence, Eileen simply replied "Ok. Keep me posted. Take your time." Santana clicked the phone off, looked at Rachel and just nodded and Rachel understood what it meant. She quickly took control of the situation pulling Santana up gently and clutching her arm like she was now used to do. She guided her to the curb, hailed a cab and made Santana give the driver her address. When they arrived at Santana's loft, Rachel made Santana grab some clothes and put them in a suitcase while she booked her a flight into Allen County. It was faster than taking the train and she knew that 16 plus hours sitting in a train would drive Santana (and all the other passengers with her) off the wall. After 20 minutes, Santana was still in her bedroom. Rachel went to check on her and found her crying on her bed clutching a scarf. She put an arm around her friend and started stroking her back again. "She's going to be ok, San, you know she is…"

Santana just shook her head. "You don't understand, Rachel. I haven't talked to my abuela in _years. _Not since I came out to her and she threw me out. And now? What if something happens and we never got to make things right between us again?" She couldn't bear the thought of losing her abuela twice. She knew that in her own way, she still loved Santana, even if she was a lesbian. But her upbringing and whatnot prevented her from accepting the fact that her granddaughter was not what she called _normal_. In Santana's mind she always hoped her abuela would eventually soften and talk to her again. Now she was terrified of what would happen if she never got to talk to her again.

Rachel was taken aback by this admission and suddenly felt really bad for her friend, wanting her to stop hurting. "You'll make things right, you'll see. She couldn't NOT love you, Santana, that's impossible." Rachel placed a timid kiss on the top of Santana's head and continued to make hushing noises.

After a few minutes, Santana regained her composure and closed the suitcase. Rachel was still stroking her back and watching her intently.

"Ready to go?" Santana nodded and Rachel helped her up and took her suitcase. "I called a cab and it should be outside already, your flight is in two hours, you'll be with your abuela by sundown."

Santana smiled a sad little smile at Rachel and looked at her for the first time since they were happily eating lunch. Her eyes were puffy but filled with gratitude. "Thank you", she said softly. Rachel shook her head and grabbed her hand. "No need, San. Let's go."

The ride to the airport seemed to take forever, but they made it with time to spare. Rachel got her ticket for her and walked her to the security checkpoint. "I can't go further, listen, call me when you get there, ok?" Rachel gave Santana's hand a squeeze and then hugged her tightly. Santana took in her strawberry scent and whispered "I will, Rach." They held on to each other for a bit, neither wanting to let go because of what would follow. Eventually they let their arms fall to their sides and with one final hand squeeze, Santana walked through the glass doors.

**Thoughts? Ideas? I always love to hear from you! **


	8. Chapter 8

**8**

The flight was hell.

Not because of the freaking screaming child in the back, or the turbulence, but because it was taking _too damn long. _She couldn't concentrate, she couldn't listen to her music or sit still, but she couldn't pace around the airplane either, so she just sat there thinking about what she was going to do once she got there. Her abuela was her rock. The one she went to when things got crappy at home, who gave her advice on boys when she had needed it, who had made her feel better about herself when no one in first grade had wanted to be her friend because she had made a boy cry on her first day by biting him after he stole her lunch. And now… no. She wouldn't go there. She had to get to the hospital and make sure she was ok. _What if she still doesn't want to see me? _It scared her, but this had been a wakeup call and she couldn't let more time go by.

After four long ass hours, she finally arrived at the hospital and found her mom outside her abuela's room. Maribel Lopez was getting a cup of coffee from the vending machine when her daughter walked out of the elevator. She watched her approach, the strut in her walk reminding her of Alma. She put the coffee down and put her arms around Santana. "Ay, mija… thank you for being here"

Santana fought back tears as she hugged her mom tight. This wasn't the time or place to cry. She needed to be strong for her mom. "Of course ma, is… is abuela awake?" Maribel straightened her daughter's hair out of habit and shook her head.

"She dozes off every few hours. Doctors say her brain needs to rest, whatever that means. But you can go in and see her when you're ready." Maribel looked at her strikingly beautiful daughter, hurting for her. She knew that Santana was struggling between what she wanted and what she thought her abuela wanted.

"Has she… has she asked about me?" Santana sounded just like a wounded child, hoping against hope that her mom would say yes. Her mom was still holding her and shook her head. When she saw the heartbroken expression on her daughter's face, she held her tighter. "Now Santana, she hasn't said anything _at all. _When she was awake she looked around confused and didn't recognize me at first. The doctor says it's the swelling in her brain, that she will become more aware as the swelling goes down." Santana took a deep breath and felt just a little bit calmer. But the news still scared her. "I need to go in and see her." Her mom nodded and walked her to the door. "I'll wait for you here, mija. I'll get you some coffee ok?" She gave her daughter a kiss on the cheek and walked away. Santana looked at the door, bit her lip and gently turned the knob. The woman on the bed wasn't really her abuela. Not like she remembered her. This woman looked more… _pained. _Maybe that wasn't the right word, but that's the first thing that came to her mind. She saw that without those haunting fiery eyes, the power and life went out of her abuela's face. God, she missed her smile.

Santana tentatively took Alma's hand and gave it a light squeeze. She felt the hand squeeze feebly back, and so she stroked her cheek. "Hi, abuela… It's Santanita." Her abuela's eyes fluttered but didn't open. But Santana knew she was still there, hanging on, listening to her granddaughter. Tears were falling down her face, but she barely noticed. All that mattered now was the woman in front of her. "You're gonna be ok, si? I'm here. And I love you. And…it's ok, abuelita. I know you love me." There was so much more she needed to say, that she wanted to say, but the words wouldn't come to her. Right now, she concentrated on sending her abuela all the love she could muster. She sat on the edge of the bed, holding her hand and stroking her hair for a while, watching her eyelids flutter and her chest move up and down.

She bent down to kiss her forehead, and she felt the grip on her hand tighten. When she pulled back, she found brown eyes looking at her. "Abuela…" Santana was both shocked and happy, did her abuela recognize her? Was she going to throw her out? Was she going to thank her for being there? Alma just stared at Santana, slowly getting her bearings and trying to reconcile this strikingly beautiful girl – no, _woman – _in front of her with her beloved nieta. The eyes were the same, looking at her with wonder and awe. All that had happened between them still lingered in Alma's mind, albeit a bit foggy right now. Alma squeezed Santana's hand with all the strength she could, which wasn't much, but she hoped was enough. Santana's eyes filled with even more tears and she smiled, relieved.

"Hola, mi niña." _My child. She hasn't called me that in ages. Does that mean what I think it means?_

"Hola, abue… How are you feeling?" Santana just needed confirmation that her abuela knew exactly who she was and where she was, she needed to know that they were ok. Alma grimaced as she tried to swallow, but smiled nonetheless.

"Tired, my head hurts. But I'll survive…" Santana continued to stroke her grandmother's face, unable to speak.

"I'll go get mamá, she'll want to know you're awake." Santana tried to move, but her grandmother's grip stopped her.

"Not yet." _Oh. _"Santana… you came back from New York for me?"

"Of course abue, mom called me this morning." Alma just nodded, her face inscrutable.

"What about your job, Santana?" _God, the both of them can't stop with this… _"And don't roll your eyes at me, niña…" Santana couldn't help but chuckle. Alma's lips pursed in a thin line.

"Sorry, it's just that mom asked me the same question when she called. I talked to my boss, it's fine, I'll work from my laptop this weekend and I'll be back on Monday, no te preocupes." Alma's pursed lips relaxed a little, but her eyes remained fixed on her granddaughter. They stayed quiet for a while, Santana still absentmindedly stroking her grandmother's hair with her thumb, both holding hands and looking at each other, willing the other to voice all the unspoken things that were being exchanged between brown gazes. Finally, Alma took a deep breath and Santana's body tensed up. "I can't believe you came."

Santana wasn't expecting that at all and it took her by surprise. "Well, there wasn't really much choice now, was there? I needed to be here and make sure you were all right even – " She stopped dead, not wanting to say _even if you didn't want me here. _But Alma heard it.

"Thank you for coming, mi niña. Thank you for being braver than I could ever be."

Santana couldn't believe those words were coming from her abuela. She was the bravest woman she knew. _No I'm not. I was a coward, hurt, waiting for YOU to come to me. I left and I ran away from this because I didn't want to face you again, because I was ashamed that you rejected me. I knew I should've stayed and tried to get you to come around, but I left because it was easier. You should've said something, abuela. _

So much she wanted to say, but it all seemed pointless now. She had lived with the pain and the shame of her grandmother turning her away for too long. She was done feeling sorry for herself, and dammit she just wanted her abuela back. So Santana just smiled at her abuela, baring her soul through her eyes, willing her grandmother to see everything in them.

"I love you, abuela. I don't want to lose you again." Alma's eyes teared up, and Santana got scared. She had only seen her grandmother cry twice in her life, once when Selena died, and the other when her abuelito died.

"I love you too, mi niña. I'm sorry it took me so long to say it again."

It felt like a ton of bricks were suddenly lifted off her back and Santana could breathe freely for the first time in years. Suddenly, her abuela was back in her corner, and all the pain caused so many years ago by her harsh words started to fade away. She knew her grandma had come a long way, but they would need more time to heal completely.

Santana just threw herself over her and rested her head on her beloved grandmother's chest, just like she had always done when she was little. Tears flowed freely from both of them, and they just held each other and let all the tears filled with years of bitterness, resentment, confusion and anger fall and take the pain with them. Alma was holding her granddaughter like a million times before, making small circles in her scalp with one hand (because that was the only way to get her to fall asleep when she was 7 years old) and gently scraping her back with her other hand (because it helped her breathe when she was angry).

After they had cried all they could, Santana sat up and handed a kleenex to her abuela, and took one herself. Feeling considerably happier, Santana stood up and smoothed her shirt. "I'll go get mom now, ok? She's a nervous wreck, and by now she's probably drank both coffees, hers and mine." Alma chuckled and nodded. She watched Santana walk out of the room with a backwards glance at her, that Santana smirk firmly planted on her face. Alma loved that smirk on her granddaughter. It meant that she was happy and touched. It made her look even more beautiful.

When Santana closed the door behind her, she slumped to the floor and made herself take deep breaths. That exchange with her grandmother had taken all her energy, and she had trouble breathing properly. After a little while, she stood up, smoothed her shirt again and went to look for her mom.

Her phone buzzed, causing her to jump and grab it so forcefully, it almost cracked. It was the call she had been waiting for all day, and now she was 20 minutes away from curtain call, and it was finally coming in.

"Santana? Is everything ok? You didn't call me when you landed but I tracked your flight online and it said you had gotten there all right I just assumed you'd gone directly to the hospital, but I was worried…" She heard the woman on the other line chuckle, and her heart started thumping away. If she was chuckling, surely it meant everything was ok? She hoped so…

"Sorry Rachel, I was a wreck and I just wanted to get to the hospital as fast as I could. I'm fine, everything is ok, my abuela is fine, still shook up from the hit, but she's going to be all right. The doctor says she can go home tomorrow."

"Oh, that's good… I'm really glad she's ok." A beat. "Did you… did you talk to her?" Rachel couldn't help asking, she was so worried about what had happened. But she could _feel _Santana smiling on the other line, which made her smile, too.

"Yeah, we did. It wasn't so much a conversation, but… but things are good between us now. I know it's just a start, but we're in the right direction." Rachel clutched her phone, willing it to tell Santana that she was beaming at her.

"Wow, I'm so happy for you, San. I know you needed this…"

"I did. And I need to thank you, actually."

"Me? What did I do?"

"You got me moving, Rachel. You got the ticket for me and you were productive when I was just a mess. Thank you."

Rachel blushed and was thankful Santana couldn't see _that. _

"No need to thank me, just tell me how to get to the food truck so I can finish that chard tart." They both laughed.

"I'll take you back there on Sunday, how's that? You can have as many as you want…" All of a sudden, Rachel couldn't wait for Sunday.

"Sounds wonderful. Just text me when you're back."

"Awesome, it's a date. Bye, Rach!" _A what?_

"Yeah, uh, bye, San!" And she heard the click. It was clearly an expression; she didn't mean a _date _date. Right? Obviously it wasn't a _date, _because they were just friends. Right? As far as Santana knew, Rachel was straight so _of course_ she didn't mean a romantic date, because Rachel hadn't told her about what had happened in all those years since high school. _Yet. _So, yeah, definitely just an expression…

Rachel shook her head and took a deep breath and forced herself to stop overanalyzing things, and focus on the performance at hand. She would worry about this later.

_It's a date?! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU LOPEZ! _Santana was still staring at her phone, even though she had hung up the phone a good 5 minutes ago. She was sitting on her bed, in her parents' house. It was almost exactly as she had left it after going off to college, except that most of the picture frames were gone. She was freaking out so she did the only thing she did when she freaked out. She checked the time, noticed it was almost 2 pm in Sydney, and texted Britt.

S: I'M FREAKING OUT BRITT. PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE FREE RIGHT NOW.

Almost instantly, her phone buzzed.

B: waht happnd? abuela?

_Shit. Of course she would think that. I mean, I texted her to tell her about abuela and how I was back home._

S: No, no, she's fine.

She sent that first text so Brittany would calm down, before continuing writing another, ignoring the buzz ("Then what is it?").

S: It's Rachel, I called to tell her I got in ok and we made plans to have lunch when I got back and I accidentally called it a date and now I'm freaking out.

She reread her message and knew it sounded innocent enough, but her best friend knew what a big deal this was to her, even though she could _see _Brittany rolling her eyes at the text.

B: Ok, don't frown so much (Santana let out a chuckle and relaxed her face), she probably thought nothing of it.

Santana took a deep breath. Brittany was right. _Right?_

S: Maybe. But, what do I do now? What if things get weird?

B: Well, eventually you need to tell her how you feel, no? so things are gonna get weird one way or another. You won't know if it's weird until you see her, so just relax. If you bring it up now, it will definitely be awkward. See what happens at lunch, you're the master at not letting people know you're nervous.

Shit. Brittany had a way to simplify things and untying all the mental knots Santana tangled in a second.

S: … you've always been a genius Britt…

B: Well, duh J

S: Thanks, B. I love you!

B: Love you too, S. Give your mom a kiss for me! xx

Santana laid in her bed and stared at her ceiling. It still had the B and S glow in the dark letterings Brittany had put up in 6th grade. It seemed like such a long time ago, when things were a lot simpler. It had been just the two of them against the world, sharing inside jokes, holding hands and giving her blonde best friend timid kisses under the blankets on Saturdays when she slept over and pretending they didn't happen on Sunday morning.

Santana smiled as the memories came flooding back. And she remembered sophomore year when she had been laying in this same bed bitching with Brittany about that Jewish dwarf in Glee Club, with Santana going on and on about her, and Brittany just laughing and saying "if you were a guy, I would say you have a crush on her…" It seemed like such an innocent comment for Brittany, but it had made Santana's whole body shake. That was the first time she noticed how much she _noticed _Rachel during school. She always thought it was because she was looking for ammo for her insults, but she knew that Brittany may have had a point. But she pushed it to that cage in the back of her head and her heart and didn't allow herself to think about it again. And she hadn't done that for the longest time. And now she was back in that same bed but purposely thinking about Rachel and how much she wanted her to be here. Brittany was right; she eventually needed to tell Rachel how she felt about her. But the problem was that Santana didn't really know how she felt. Every time they talked, her heart just wouldn't hold still and act normal. And she made Santana _want _to be nice. This was disconcerting. These past few days with Rachel had only made her realize that yes, she _liked _her. Every time they accidentally touched, she felt this buzzing in the air, this electric shockwave. But it was more than that, though. Even after all these years and the fact that they hadn't been so close to begin with, it just felt like they knew each other inside and out. They shared a burning passion for their jobs and weren't afraid of showing it. And Rachel brought out the best in Santana, and it made her happy. And Santana saw that Rachel was more at ease when they were alone than she had seen her when they had been hanging out with their friends. Or maybe it was just the passage of time. Either way, Santana needed to go back to New York after making sure her abuela was comfortable at home and deal with the petite brunette. One way or another, she had to figure this Rachel thing out. And their date on Sunday was as good a time as any.

_It's not a date, Lopez. _

_Oh fuck it, let's say it is._

And she smiled, giddy with anticipation.

**Happy holidays everyone! :) thoughts?**


	9. Chapter 9

**9**

Dinner at the Lopez' household was considerably happier that Saturday night. Abuela was back home and Santana was making dinner with her mom to celebrate her recovery. After setting the plates on the kitchen table (they rarely used the dining room) and helping Alma sit down at the head of the table, the three Lopez women and Santana's dad Antonio started putting food on their plates. Before they could start eating though, Alma put up her hand. "Un momento, I think we need to say a prayer." Maribel quickly looked at her daughter and husband and saw them slightly nod, so she said "Ok mamita, let's hold hands." Alma closed her eyes and held Santana's hand as tight as she could, and Santana squeezed her mom on the other side for strength. "Señor, we thank you for the food on our plates. I know you are looking after me and helping me get better. I also want to thank you for my Santanita." Santana looked up from her lap and stared in stunned silence to her abuela and back at her mom, who had the same startled look in her eyes. Neither of them knew what Alma was going to say, but Alma didn't seem to notice. "You gave her wisdom to see past our differences and come with an olive branch to me. And I thank you for giving me a second chance to be here for her and show her that I love her." Santana blinked her tears away and beamed. "Amen". Everyone repeated the last word, and finally Alma opened her eyes and looked at Santana. She put her hand under her granddaughter's chin and looked in her eyes. "No more tears ok, mi niña? Let's eat and you can tell me all about your life in New York." "Si abuelita." They ate in comfortable silence for a while, until Antonio looked up from his plate. "So, hija, tell us about your job, how are you getting on in New York?" Santana dabbed her lips with a napkin before answering with a grin, "It's wonderful pa, it's a lot more work than LA, but it's also more responsibility, and I'm learning a lot from my new boss, Eileen. We have a lot of cases and so I have to stay late from time to time, but no complaints here! I love it." She finished with a satisfied grin on her face and looked around the table to find three mirror smiles looking at her with pride. Maribel reached across the table and grabbed her hand. "That's wonderful mija, we are very happy to see you so excited about your career! And of course we're very glad you are now a lot closer to home."

"She's right Sanny, mamá and I are very proud of you." "

"Thanks pa, thanks ma… I'm also happy to be closer to you guys, maybe sometime soon you can come visit me?" she asked shyly. Her parents looked at each other having a silent conversation, and then they both turned to their daughter and exclaimed "We'd love to!" and laughed. Santana then turned to look at her abuela and bit her lip without adding "And I'd really love it if you would come too, abuelita. So we can spend some time together."

Alma saw those hopeful brown eyes looking at her, timidly waiting for an answer to show approval. She smiled and nodded "Of course, mi niña, I'll visit you as soon as the doctor tells me I can travel." Santana got up so fast she almost toppled her chair and went over to hug her abuela with tears in her eyes. "Gracias", she whispered in her abuela's ear before giving her a kiss on the cheek and sitting back down.

After that, dinner went very smoothly and all four Lopezes went to bed a lot happier than they had been the day before.

Santana turned and turned in bed, unable to shut her brain off. She had texted Brittany a while ago telling her all about dinner, but the blonde hadn't answered yet. So Santana texted the person she had wanted to talk to all night. She really wanted to hear her voice, but she thought she would break down and cry from all the emotions if she actually had to talk to her. So instead, she took a long time to write her initial text.

S: Hey Rach, sorry if I wake you but I couldn't sleep… just had dinner with my folks and my abuela and it went really well. I'm very happy I came back home this weekend.

She set her phone down and stared at the ceiling smiling. When her phone buzzed just minutes later, she had to take a few deep breaths to calm herself down.

R: Aww, that's awesome San! And don't worry; I couldn't sleep either, so I decided to take a bath to see if it would relax me.

Santana blushed at the thought of Rachel naked in a tub texting her. She bit her lip and decided to have some fun.

S: Wanky, Berry!

R: Oh, grow up! You're SUCH a child…

S: C'mon Berry, I'm not the one in a pink bathtub wearing a hairnet…

Rachel couldn't help but chuckle at how spot on Santana was.

R: First of all, it's not a pink bathtub. It's faded salmon. And second of all… my hairnet broke when I was getting in L

Santana laughed so loud she had to put a hand up to her mouth so she wouldn't wake her parents. She had been kidding, but now Rachel kept adding details to the mental picture and Santana was feeling a little flushed.

S: You're so predictable…

R: I'm not, you just have a way of figuring me out.

S: Is that a bad thing?

R: I didn't say that…

S: So it's a good thing…

R: I didn't say THAT either ;)

_Is she flirting with me? _Santana was just messing around to see what Rachel would respond, and now she didn't know how to react. _Fuck it._

S: How's the bath going? You feeling more relaxed yet?

R: Hmmmmm some… I actually just got out.

S: Want me to let you get some sleep?

R: No, I'll just lay here waiting to air dry for a while. Tell me about your weekend, San.

She could tell Rachel was deflecting, ending their little flirty exchange, but she didn't mind. The thought of Rachel in bed in nothing but a towel was more interesting than her in a tub.

S: It sounds weird, because of everything that went down with my abuela, but I'm actually more relaxed. It feels nice to be back in Lima, I haven't come home in a while.

R: Why not?

S: The flight from LA is too damn long… haha

R: I can tell that's a half truth, but I'll let it pass for now ;)

_How does she know that? _The truth is that Santana hadn't come home in a year or so because the last time she was there, she had run into Finn and he had cried to her about Rachel and how much he missed her. She had been so uncomfortable that she had avoided Lima altogether.

S: Touche, Berry. How was your show tonight?

R: Oh, a pain… Mrs. Strakosh sprained her ankle in the middle of a scene, so we had to sort of wing it so she didn't have to move so much. But I hope tomorrow she'll be all right. Hey, um, can I ask you something?

_Fuck_

S: Sure, what's up?

Rachel tossed her phone from hand to hand for a while, thinking how to phrase it… She knew it was a stupid question but she _had to ask._

Santana noticed how long it was taking Rachel to text back and she began to worry. It was going to be about her stupid date comment, she knew it. And she started thinking about a plausible answer, when her phone buzzed. She stared at it, too scared to see what it said.

R: Why did you come to my show that night when you had been in New York for three months already?

She definitely wasn't expecting that at all. She let out a deep breath and furrowed her brow thinking about what to say. She wanted to tell Rachel the truth, but it seemed wrong to do it by text. And yet, Rachel had asked about it now, so maybe she owed it to her to say it?

S: Well… truth is, I don't have a right answer for that, Rachel. I guess I didn't want to tell you I was in New York until I was settled in.

R: Oh. Why?

S: My apartment was a mess, work was really stressful because I was struggling to keep up the pace and I didn't really have any time off.

It was only a half truth, but she didn't want to say the rest by text.

R: I'm just glad you did. I was starting to worry I would only get to see you during holiday seasons.

S: I don't know about you, but I sure as hell am NOT going back to Quinn and Puck's this Thanksgiving… I still get a headache thinking about that night!

R: We DID drink a lot, huh? I'm surprised Quinn's neighbors didn't call the police from our "excessive karaokeing" as Puck put it. LOL

Santana remembered that night fondly. All her friends had gathered at Quinn and Puck's house in Boston, and after too many bottles of champagne, Rachel and Mercedes had taken control of the karaoke machine insisting they all went through their old Glee Club songs together. Of course, after all that alcohol, they only came out shrill and filled with bursts of laughter.

S: Well, you and Cedes really went all out with that one.

R: Hey, I remember YOU singing too! And you were enjoying it, don't lie.

S: haha, I was… you're cute when you're drunk

_Nononononononono DON'T SEND THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT! _Too late. She had pressed send before she processed what she had written. She laid face down and buried her head in her pillow, wishing to be sucked in by the bed. When her phone buzzed with Rachel's answer, she just closed her eyes tighter and let out a muffled cry. She grabbed her phone without looking at it. She held it for a while, still with her eyes closed, not knowing whether to read the text, turn off her phone or crawl out the window and die. When it buzzed again in her hand, she groaned and willed herself to look at her phone. She opened her eyes just a smidge, and pushed the button.

R: um, thanks

R: listen, I think I'm gonna turn in now. Call me when you're back in NY so we can grab lunch, ok? Night, San.

Santana flung her phone across her bed and buried her head in her pillow again to let out a muffled frustrated groan.

* * *

><p>She reread her last text. "listen, I think I'm gonna turn in now. Call me when you're back in NY so we can grab lunch, ok? Night, San." She didn't really want to sleep – she was now fully awake to be honest – but she had frozen at what Santana had said to her. <em>You're cute when you're drunk. <em>Had she said it without thinking? Or was it intentional to see how Rachel would react? She knew they had been flirting a bit back and forth, and she had enjoyed it, because it felt natural and easy. But she had chickened out when she read those 5 words. _Damn. I shouldn't have ended the conversation. _Rachel figured it was too late now to say anything else, because it had been almost twenty minutes since she had sent Santana that text, and Santana hadn't even replied. Was she embarrassed or hurt? This confusion was too much for one Rachel Berry to endure. She needed to sort this Santana thing once and for all, because it was messing with her head. She couldn't do it during lunch because they were going to be out in public and she didn't want to make a scene. Instead, she decided right then and there to go pick up Santana from the airport, drive her home and tell her everything she was itching to tell her since that night she showed up at the theater. Since she had booked Santana's flight for her, she knew when the plane arrived, so it would be easy for her to wait at the airport. It was now 2 am and she still had 7 hours before Santana's arrival, but she knew she wouldn't get to sleep anymore until she got her head sorted. She pulled out a notebook from her nightstand and started scribbling everything she wanted to tell Santana the next day. After 14 pages and 35 minutes, she finally felt her body relax a little and willed herself to get some sleep before a very very exhausting Sunday.

* * *

><p><p>

It was 4 am before Santana finally fell asleep. And what seemed like minutes later, her alarm went off and she reluctantly opened her eyes. She hoped that last night's conversation with Rachel had been a wild dream, but seeing her phone on the floor across her room reminded her of what she had said. _Fuck Lopez. Nice going… Now what? _She knew she was probably getting ahead of herself thinking that Rachel was going to freak out, but this was the effect Berry had on her. She second-guessed herself at every turn and she didn't like that. She wanted to be completely honest with her petite friend but it was difficult to let the old Santana Lopez walls down. And now she was going to see her for lunch that day, and she didn't know how they would act around each other.

Santana went down the stairs to the kitchen to grab some coffee, and she found her dad already sitting at the table sipping orange juice and reading the paper. "Buenos días, papi." She went over to give her dad a light kiss on the temple before turning to the coffee maker. Antonio looked up from his paper to put one arm on his daughter's shoulder. "Buen día, mijita! How did you sleep?" Santana let out a sigh as she poured her coffee and sat next to her dad on the table.

"Fine, I guess. I just didn't fall asleep until late, that's all." Antonio pushed his plate of toast to his daughter, so she could grab one. Santana immediately reached over and started buttering a piece of toast but Antonio didn't take his eyes off his daughter, studying her.

"That's weird. You are usually out like a light. Something on your mind?"

Santana wondered if she could tell her dad what was bothering her. She usually talked to him about school or work, but not about _this._

"Just… life, pa."

Antonio folded his newspaper and set it aside, giving his daughter his full attention.

"Girl trouble? Don't look so surprised at me, I can tell when your heart is worried…"

Santana chuckled and sipped her coffee quietly while thinking how to phrase it.

"Well, there IS this girl…" Antonio leaned back in his chair, a triumphant smile on his lips and said, "I knew it!"

"Let me finish, pa!"

"Sorry, mija, go on."

"I've known her since high school and no, it's not Brittany, dad, stop looking at me like that, and well, I like her, really like her, but… I don't know what to do about it."

"What's the problem? Is she with someone else?"

Santana shook her head and played with her mug.

"Not that I know of, no. She hasn't mentioned anyone to me."

"Is she… not… like you?" After all these years, he still couldn't say "gay" and it made Santana laugh, because she knew her dad fully supported her, but she also knew it was hard for him to say that out loud.

"I honestly don't know if she's gay, pa. And yes, I'm afraid to ask her that, but mostly… I'm afraid to tell her because of our history. I wasn't very nice to her in high school, dad, or after it, for that matter. And I know that all my taunts and mocking hurt her deeply, and now I'm trying to make amends because I realize that I only did that because I was afraid of my feelings for her, but what if she hates me now?" She said that last part really quietly, and she didn't know if her dad had heard it. It was her biggest fear and it was the first time she had said it out loud.

"How does she act with you, mija? Is she friendly?"

"Yeah, I actually apologized to her the other day about all the things I put her through and she forgave me, said that she was glad we could be friends now…"

"So there's your answer, mijita. High school was a long time ago, and if she has found it in her heart to forgive you, then there is no reason for you to fear that she might hate you."

Antonio leaned forward as she noticed that his daughter's eyes had started to fill with tears she was fighting to push back. He grabbed Santana's hand and forced her to look him in the eyes.

"I know this sounds rough, Santana, but the worst thing that can happen is that she says no. And although I doubt she will, if she does, at least then you can move on with your life and get over her. You deserve to be honest with her and mostly with yourself, mijita linda. Get this off your chest. Just like you did with me."

Santana nodded slowly and pursed her lips, like she always did when something tugged at her heartstrings and she found new determination.

"Gracias pa, I'll do that"

Her dad just patted her hand and smiled at his beautiful daughter.

"Now eat some more toast Santana, you look skinny." He unfolded his paper again and vanished behind it to hide the few stray tears that were falling down his cheeks. Santana chuckled, rubbed her eyes and bit into the toast again. After a few minutes of comfortable and familiar silence, Maribel came into the kitchen and kissed her daughter good morning. She made Santana some eggs and forced her to eat them before they left for the airport. After she had said goodbye to her abuela, Santana jumped in the backseat of her parents' Honda and talked and laughed with them all the way to the airport. When she hugged her dad at the terminal, he whispered in her ear "Stay strong, mija, and call me when you have that conversation with the girl to let me know how it ends!" She nodded and kissed him once again as a thank you for helping her clear her mind. Maribel fussed with Santana's hair one final time before she handed her ticket to the security guard and waved at her parents, knowing that they were going to come visit her in New York soon.

When she settled in her aisle seat, she closed her eyes and started taking deep breaths. Herdad was right, she needed to talk to Rachel sooner rather than later and start to figure out what this was. She just had to find a way to talk to her so they can go to lunch and not be awkward about their little conversation the night before. She rolled her eyes when she saw that the mom with the screaming baby sat right behind her and pulled out her iPod from her purse. _Every damn time… it's like I'm a magnet for wailing brats. _She blared her music and tried to clear her mind for the remainder of the flight.

When the plane landed, Santana jumped off her seat and walked to the front to be one of the first ones to get out. She wasn't really claustrophobic, just that small crowded spaces started getting to her after a while and she felt she needed actual air and not just from the a/c. Once she got off the plane and got her suitcase back, she started walking towards the exit, wanting to hail a cab and get home but she was stopped short when she saw a figure in a green dress and matching hat standing in the middle of the hallway with one foot nervously crossed in front of the other. When Rachel saw her, she waved timidly and Santana automatically walked towards her. She tried to hide the shocked look on her face by shaking her head a little, but she didn't think she'd managed. When she was level with the petite brunette, she just said "Hi".

Rachel swallowed and tried to put on a nervous smile. "Surprise! I hope it's ok, I borrowed Stanley's town car to come pick you up…" Rachel made a move to grab Santana's suitcase, but Santana had a firm grip on it, so Rachel just pulled her hand back. Santana knew she had to break the awkward silence, but she was afraid her voice had checked out of her.

"Um, thanks! Sorry, I'm just… I wasn't expecting to see you here"

"Hence the surprise…" Santana saw that Rachel was a little hurt by the way she was reacting, so Santana took a deep breath and smiled.

"Thanks for coming Rachel, it's really nice of you." Rachel relaxed a little and motioned Santana to follow her out to the car.

They drove back to Santana's apartment making polite conversation all the way there. Santana was telling Rachel about her abuela and what the doctors had said, and both of them tried to avoid talking about their late night texts.

When they arrived at Santana's apartment, Santana excused herself and went to her bathroom to freshen up. Rachel sat in the white couch in the living room and folded her hands on her lap, feeling nervous about what was to come.

In the bathroom, Santana splashed water on her face, checked her reflection and gripped the sink with both hands, steadying herself. _Ok Lopez. The fact that she showed up at the airport means she's willing to move on from what happened last night. Just take deep breaths and see where the conversation leads. _She stared at her reflection and said out loud _You can do this. _

Then she straightened her red shirt and walked back out to the living room.

"Hey Rach, do you want something to drink?" Rachel smiled when she turned to see Santana walk over to her, noticing the tall woman was more relaxed.

"Just some water is fine, thanks."

As Santana moved to the kitchen to grab some water from the fridge, she called back to Rachel.

"So, tell me about your weekend, is that Mrs. Whatever her name is ok now?"

Rachel chuckled.

"Mrs. Strakhosh, that's the character… Yeah, after the show she went to get some cortisone shots so she should be fine tonight. It's a good thing that the show is ending in a couple of weeks so she can rest." Santana set the tray a little too hard on the table as she stared at Rachel.

"WHAT? Your show is ending? Why?"

Rachel let Santana sit down and she smiled at her friend's concern.

"Relax, San. It's the end of the run, Stanley says we need to make the public want us back. It's for a couple of months or so, nothing bad happened."

"So, how do you feel about it?"

Rachel drank some water and took a moment to think about that.

"Well, I'm sad obviously. I'm gonna miss Fanny and the excitement of playing her 8 times a week. But on the other hand, I'm kind of looking forward to some time off, to try and find some other role to play. I feel like I have a chance to do more with my craft now that people have seen what I can do."

Santana saw Rachel's eyes light up as she spoke and her heart started beating faster. She looked so beautiful when she was talking about Broadway.

"In that case, I'm happy for you, Rachel. You're gonna be great in anything you do, you know that."

Santana reached over to pat Rachel's hand and when she locked eyes with her, she felt a shudder through her spine. Somehow their gaze made the touch feel more intimate than it was supposed to be. Rachel turned her hand so her palm was upwards and intertwined her fingers with Santana's. Santana's thumb started caressing Rachel's hand as both of them stared at each other holding their breath and just holding hands, feeling the electricity in the room. Santana didn't want to break eye contact, because it felt both exciting and terrifying, but Rachel looked away first and took her hand back to grab the glass of water. But her hand was trembling slightly and she dropped the glass and it shattered at her feet.

"SHIT!" Santana jumped up as Rachel grabbed her right wrist with her left hand.

"Shoot, I cut my finger!" Santana quickly swept the shards of glass and set them aside as she sat next to Rachel and gingerly grabbed her right hand and held it up. Rachel was wincing in pain.

"Shhhh Rachel, let me see it ok?" Santana softly held Rachel's palm close to her face, her brow furrowed. "I don't think it's too deep, so you won't need stitches. Let's get it cleaned up and I'll bandage it." Rachel nodded sadly and stood up. Santana guided her to her master bathroom and washed her hand with warm water and soap. "This is gonna sting a little, but I need to disinfect the cut." Rachel just bit her lip as Santana washed her hand as gentle as she could. When she was done, she took out a bottle of hydrogen peroxide and some gauze and dressed the wound.

"There. All better!" Santana looked up to meet Rachel's eyes for the first time since before the glass shattered and smiled sweetly at her. Rachel's eyes were red but twinkling.

"Thank you, San… sorry about your glass." Santana shook her head.

"Don't worry about that, I'm just happy you didn't need stitches." She chuckled and saw Rachel smile. Santana was still holding Rachel's wounded hand and making small circling motions.

Rachel lifted her other hand to Santana's chin and forced the tall woman to look her back in the eyes. This time, Rachel wasn't smiling anymore. Santana swallowed the thick knot in her throat as she looked into the tiny brunette's eyes. Her stomach felt like lead and she couldn't form a proper thought. Santana looked down to Rachel's lips and saw that they were lightly parted. They looked so inviting that Santana started leaning forward, barely noticing that Rachel was leaning forward too. Their lips were almost touching, and Santana could feel Rachel's ragged breath on her lips. She closed her eyes and slowly pressed her lips into Rachel's. She felt the room spinning when she applied a little more pressure to the kiss and she felt Rachel's healthy hand travel to the back of her head to steady it. Rachel's fingers tangled her hair as her lips bore into hers. Santana readjusted her body so she was fully leaning on the wall and put her hand in Rachel's waist. Rachel immediately pushed her body closer to Santana's as their lips continued to get acquainted. Santana couldn't help but smile into the kiss, and she felt Rachel do it too. Yet she didn't want to open her eyes because she didn't want this moment to end. In what felt like no time at all, Rachel pulled back from the kiss and pressed their foreheads together. Santana willed herself to look at Rachel, scared of what might happen now. The two girls looked at each other as they tried to control their breath. Santana looked down at the floor. "I'm sorry." Her voice was barely a whisper. She tried to push Rachel back, but the tiny girl wouldn't budge. "Sorry for what?"

Santana could feel tears forming in her eyes and she hated it. "Sorry I did that, I… I shouldn't have." She finally moved away and left a shocked Rachel standing in the bathroom.

Rachel took a few breaths to steady herself before going after Santana, unsure of what had happened. She found Santana in the kitchen scrubbing the sink and muttering softly to herself.

"Santana?" Rachel walked timidly towards her and stood on the edge of the counter, watching Santana, who either didn't hear her or was trying to ignore her.

"Talk to me." Rachel spoke a little louder, so it was clear that Santana had heard it. The tall woman stopped scrubbing and let out a sigh.

"I shouldn't have done that, Rachel, I'm sorry." Rachel felt a tear fall down her left eye and she quickly dried it with the back of her hand.

"Why do you keep apologizing? Was it that bad?" Rachel chuckled softly, trying to lighten the mood, but Santana just shook her head. Rachel took a tentative step towards her, but stopped when she saw Santana tense up. "Look, San, you don't have to apologize for anything, we were both in that bathroom, you know?" Santana finally looked up from the floor and found Rachel's eyes. Rachel took another step forward, keeping her gaze on Santana's.

"Can we go sit down, please? I… I need to tell you something." Santana swallowed hard and nodded, unable to speak. Rachel turned around and sat on the white couch once again. Santana chose the small green armchair next to the white couch, so they weren't so close together. Once she sat down, she started wringing her wrists as she waited for Rachel to talk. Rachel kept both hands on her lap, forcing her body to stay calm. After a few minutes, she finally spoke up, but her voice was barely a whisper.

"I knew you were in New York long before you came to my show." Santana felt her heart stop and she looked at the petite girl, how she was biting her lip as she talked and shooting furtive glances at Santana to see how she would react. When Santana didn't say anything, Rachel continued, "Quinn told me, because Brittany told her, but I didn't know much more about it, I was just waiting to see if you'd contact me."

Santana hadn't expected this turn of events. She didn't know if she was angrier at Brittany for babbling or at Rachel for not saying something before. "So… why didn't you say something?"

Rachel shrugged, "I didn't want to seem stalkerish or anything, I was just waiting to see if you wanted to talk to me."

"I'm gonna kill Brittany when I see her… and Quinn is _such _a gossip…" Santana was shaking her head now. "is that all you wanted to tell me, Berry?" Rachel bit her lip before answering.

"I thought you needed to know that. And about what happened just now, (Santana tensed up again) all I have to say Santana, is that I wanted it to happen as much as you did." Santana's eyes widened as she locked eyes with Rachel, whose eyes were now darker with an intensity Santana had never seen. Rachel suddenly lounged forward, cupped Santana's cheeks with both hands and kissed her intently. Santana's head fell back on the armchair as Rachel straddled her to deepen the kiss. Rachel's lips were hungrily kissing her and her tongue was sliding across Santana's bottom lip, begging for entrance. Santana felt her world fade away as she grasped Rachel's hips with both her hands and began kissing her back fervently, welcoming Rachel's tongue in her mouth and tasting her lips. Santana was running her hands up and down Rachel's back, pulling her as close as she could. She darted her tongue in and out of the petite girl's mouth, exploring every inch of it and reveling on her taste and on the eagerness with which she kissed her back. Rachel's breath was ragged and she suddenly broke from the kiss to start kissing down Santana's neck, finding her pulse point. Santana let out a groan, making Rachel smile and run her tongue all the way up to her earlobe to nibble on it. Santana let herself go and succumbed to Rachel's tongue that was now traveling down to her collarbone.

Rachel just wanted to taste every inch of Santana she could, and as she traveled up to meet Santana's eager lips again, she knew she was hooked. She pulled back for air and locked eyes with the tall woman. She could see desire and passion in those brown eyes that matched what she was feeling inside. "We can stop if you want." Santana's voice was hoarse and raspy. Rachel just shook her head and smiled whispering seductively, "no way" before she started kissing Santana again. Santana put her hands on Rachel's hips to shift her slightly so she was fully straddling her and they were almost at eye level. They kissed and explored each other's lips, tongues, mouths and necks first hungrily, then slowly, like they had all the time in the world. Santana grabbed Rachel and stood up, carrying Rachel over to the large white couch, where she laid Rachel down and laid on top of her, nibbling on her neck. Their hands stayed conservatively on each other's waists, hips and stomachs, applying pressure when they wanted to deepen the kiss and using their fingers to explore their features.

Santana cupped Rachel's cheek and kissed her sweetly while opening her eyes, seeing that Rachel was looking at her as a tear fell down her side. She stopped and pulled back alarmed. "Are you ok? Am I hurting you?" Santana pushed back and sat up facing Rachel, who shook her head and reached up to lace her fingers with Santana's. "Sorry, I – I just – this is just…" Rachel took a deep breath and caressed Santana's hand. "I can't believe this is happening…" She chuckled as she looked timidly at the tall woman. Santana smiled and looked down. "Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" Rachel leaned forward and placed a chaste kiss on Santana's lips. "It's a good thing, San."

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><p><strong>Hope you all had a nice holiday break! :) <strong>


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